Achieving True Understanding

The key to being understood is counter-intuitive

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Volume I | Issue 1

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Fellow Thinkers, Leaders, & Innovators —

Communication. Connection. Creation.

If these three desirable realities are to be found in our lives, we need to understand and be understood by others, right? There is no meaningful collaboration or game-changing innovation without these elements.

To this end, most of us have bought into a popular notion that tells us we must first strive to understand others, then help them understand us. Sounds appropriate. After all, our mothers always told us to let others go first.

This concept is flawed.

The first part is more or less correct. We should put effort into understanding others. The rub comes in two places in the statement, however: 1.) the word “first” toward the beginning of the statement, and 2.) the entire second half that refers to our helping others understand us.

Flaw #1

When we use the word “first,” we immediately know there is something that comes second. In this case, we allow others to be understood by us first, then we take our turn trying to be understood by them. This typically translates into our formulating our responses to what other people are saying while they are talking instead of tuning in completely and genuinely understanding them.

Flaw #2

The entire concept of needing to be understood by others is flawed. Think about this for just a moment: What is it about Bryan Waldon Pope you need to understand in order to live a complete, fulfilling, happy life? Do you have your answer? Let’s see if we match. Here’s my answer:

Nothing!

That’s right. There isn’t a soul on this planet who needs to understand me. What we each need to understand is ourselves, our individual vision, our personal needs, our available resources, and so on. It’s the most liberating feeling you might ever experience to feel zero need to make your point, impart your wisdom to an unwilling audience, or otherwise attempt to be understood.

Try this statement on for size: Step into other people’s worlds and stay there.

Operate from within their paradigms. See their worlds through their eyes. Speak in a language they understand because it is being spoken by their voices.

This may be a concept that is far enough out there for you that you’re not following me at all. Maybe it’s ringing true, but not fully settling in. And perhaps it’s the liberating piece of the puzzle for which you’ve been seeking.

In any case, don’t worry. As we progress on this journey together, you will come to see the power that resides in living above and beyond the need to have others understand you and validate your point of view.

The simple truth is this: the best way to be understood is to help others understand themselves. Operate with the mindset of a facilitator or guide and watch the world open up for those you lead — and for yourself.

Let’s let these thoughts marinate and we’ll continue in future messages to add to this introduction. In the meantime, pay attention to your conversations with others.

• How often do you find yourself formulating your responses while others are talking to you?

• Do you feel the need to make (or even push) your point with others?

• If you don’t get to “be heard” in a conversation do you feel anxious or short-changed?

All of these roadblocks to true understanding can be fixed. Together, we can make that happen for you.

Stay tuned. We’ll discuss how to address these issues and many more in upcoming messages and podcast episodes.

Thank you for tuning in. I appreciate your time and welcome your comments.

-Bryan

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The Million-Dollar Wordsmith™ | Harnessing Peace | well-versed

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Photo by Zuzana Ruttkay on Unsplash